I do what i want. GOSH!

Haha love Napoleon Dynamite. Wish i could dance like him... but its okay, because i'm better at hunting Wolverines.

Zane is distracting me by watching Underbelly Razor- but everyone's (Cat and Chris lol) been giving me grief for neglecting this blog (by calling me names and telling me i'm making excuses) so look i'm dedicating my time to it now... I DO WHAT I WANT! GOSH! haha..

I guess i better start off with Friday- Friday, i woke up to perfect blue skies and with this restlessness... this recklessness, this wanting for something different. So while the boys played after breakfast and Tivi insisted on going to school even though i offered her the day off- i packed a suitcase, packed our swimmers, packed clothes and shoes and threw it all in the car.

I had this urge to run away. To wake up somewhere else. The great thing about being the adult- being the mum... is that I CAN do this. Haha of course WITH the kids (i know some of you were like she's leaving those kids! she's finally cracked it!) haha... i dreamt that we would pick up Tivi after school- take the car and pick up Zane n just drive. GO somewhere and do something fun.... hehe

What we ended up doing was going to the Morrises, and because Phuong heard about the furniture sale- i ended up in a warehouse selecting her a dining table and chairs. One thing led to another, and we didnt go anywhere- instead we spent the weekend moving stock and various things from one space to another.

Cat snatched up a coupla beautiful chairs and while she was at it managed to secure us a most lovely wooden dining table for a bargain.

Because the Morisses also had a new table they were looking for somewhere to put their old one... and it ended up at ours too.

So to transport all these things, there was a hire truck involved and a whole day waiting for the boys to move things and then moving more things later that night... so when i came home that saturday night exhausted and looked around the house at the two lounges 3 tables... the leaking ceiling and the wardrobe still unassembled surrounded by clothes that wont fit into the old broken wardrobe... it occured to me that i should have trusted my intuition and just gapped it on Friday.

Hit the road and not look back Jack... haha... so i didn't blog. Coz i was tired and dragging myself onto another rant that seeps into the early hours... just didn make sense. I'd just wake up tired and have to deal with the mess outside, and the kids... and when i'm exhausted and inundated with things to do, its always the kids (and zane) who have to deal with the fallout of a tired and cranky mum.

And if you ask Tiv, 'What's worse than a Cranky Bear??'
she'd tell you and she'd be right ... 'A CRANKY MUM!'

So i did what was best for the kids and i and slept it off. Che woke me at 6. First his steps at the door, then the sound of water got me out of bed- and into a puddle in the kitchen. The container that i'd used to catch the leak had overflowed in the heavy rainful during the night. The drip was now a constant stream of water.

When Zane got up shortly after, we looked at the leak, at all the furniture, looked at each other and kinda laughed. What else is there to do at a time like this... this has been the difference lately- our arguments are shorter, our apologies quicker and our sense of humour returned... this has been the product of focussing on good things. For that i am most thankful. For a long time i was obsessed with being organised and keeping my spaces a certain way, obessively tyrannical about misplaced objects and disarray... it's been an excercise in restraint telling myself many days after leaving hastily  to seek fun and coming home to a mess... its okay and i will get to it when i can.

I lost my temper many times during the morning clean up- but Zane kept his mood light and lovely, and together we achieved great things. The hideous furniture we inherited with the apartment was moved out and our spaces look renewed. 

Despite the playpen sporting its own water feature, things were good. We had helped dad move all he needed to move from various places to a warehouse, we had moved out furniture we really disliked, got new furniture for a fraction of the price, retrieved Vy's couch from storage and made our kitchen/dining area look relatively nice.

Haha our place has always been a mish mash of other peoples furniture and whatever we could afford to do whatever function we needed it to do... and i always kinda hated it, but beggars and choosers- you know the saying... lately though i've started to think... since my home is now my workspace and i'm not satisfied with it...i started just doing small things to change it, and change my moods when i enter it. Slowly... and now if i focus on just certain parts at a time.... I can relax and not get irritated at the state of mess, haha same principle of looking for the good bits and not dwelling on the others.

Haha i realise with little kids and things that are fun, messes are inevitable. So i've learnt to let it go- to a point... to weigh up the fun factor vs the mess factor and just run with it.

There was a time when i'd say to Zane, My goddddddd what if my dad comes up! look at this place! what if someone comes over!!?!?!?! haha and yell at him for leaving his shoes in the wrong spot.

Haha back in his blog, he mentions the fact that he's noticed a change in me. That change lies mostly in the fact that i have almost completely stopped obsessing about the state of the house. I still clean up but if i dont manage to do everything i set ot to do, i don't blame and get frustrated and resentful.... however i get tired.

I have to prepare for my days to an extent, have to make sure their clothes are clean and readied, have to make meals and be able to do things, we do need to be ready. They need to sleep, dishes need to be washed, floors need to be swept. After these things, and after epic days of fun... i'm sometimes incapable of anything great here... and i know if i push myself too far energy wise, they and i will pay for it.

This is not an excuse so much as an explanation... there will be days in the next year that these blogs will be short and sweet and days where they will ramble on like this, and days where they will be all energy and laughter.

But these are my days- Sometimes they start too early and end too late, and the hours in between are filled with a million a two things to do.... sometimes by the end of them i've gathered a so many awesome seconds, mixed in between many mundane ones, and its hard to process one from the other.

Thats why i ask the kids for highlights

today these were their answers

Tivianh said her favourite part was painting in Aunty Vy's room.
Che liked that i made a slide/ramp from the ikea cardboard box for his cars. He loves ramps and we make them outta anything and everything.

Jacien said walking, Nanna, Mcqueen and yes!

Hahaha he is so random.

Anyway, i'm just gonna wrap this up at this point, i know its pretty boring tonight... haha i'm thankful for your patience.

And thanks to Cat once again for the beautiful table and always showing up when i need a hand! We will miss you when you commence work and have no time for us anymore! *sobs*

Thanks to Michael Morris who always helps with everything, without fuss and complaint. Thanks to his wife who not only allows him, but volunteers him.

Thank you to the kids, who played amongst the chaos, and entertained themselves and were lovely.

Thanks to Zane, who smiled at me when i was losing it, and told me the bright side... and picked himself up when he was beyond tired, to keep going just a little bit further.

I'm starting to recognise the person i first met, underneath the dust of fatherhood, and i remember what great times we had dreaming our big dreams, and how they changed, but even so when we look back at the moments where our house has leaked before and we've mopped puddles from the floor just like we did today- those memories make us laugh.

i love how we can sit in the mess of couches and rainwater and children, and yell and argue then stop in the middle and smile at each other- thankful for the things we have, and the times we've had together.

and for these little things that will always bind us:

I am eternally grateful.

Haha sorry  not my best effort tonight haha but never fear, we launch into school holiday mode. The fun'll kick up a notch surely. Hold onto your laptops!! haha gnight