Of course Yummiis already on there and probably has been for a gazillion years... haha if its cool, she seems to know about it. *shakes head* i unfollowed the automatic following of facebook friends thing it did- so i wouldn't appear too stalkrish hahaha not coz i don't like you and think your boards are shithouse- gahh why would you even think that?? Haha..
Anyway amazing. I love pretty pictures. SOoo maaaaaaaaannny pretty pictures!! Awesomeness- i can see hours of time disappearing already!
But really- it's been a while since i felt excited about stuff- and it's mostly coz i've been dreary tired and kinda insular again- sometimes all i hear is that voice in my head- telling me i'm not doing so great at this, that and the other thing. With the year wrapping up i feel a little pressured, coz i'm not great at keeping up with christmas cards and letters and all the millions of things i really do mean to do- but for bad time and resource management - never get round to. Haha..
Tivi got her school report- which made me question my attention to her, and the confusion of education and schooling in general- without getting into it too much... i was always a really good student at school... before u guys who knew me in highschool choke on that thought- haha when i first started school it was so awesome to be able to draw and colour and READ that i adored school for all the resources it gave me that i didn't have at home... doing well was a side effect of loving just having the chance to do these things.
Tivi- and all the kids have all that already at home, she doesnt value it the way i did- and her attention span is short. Her report was average. Haha i would have been horrified in school if it had been mine... but its not mine- and i wonder if i fall into the - oh as long as you did your best category of parenting... but i suffer this internal debate always- when i watch her do her work.
My daughter is messy- she comes home with stains on everything, she brings notes home in a crumpled mess- her homework book is fraying on all its edges (grrarjj!K@) haha and she rushes through things so she can move on.
Now, in Highschool i had a messy room- a spectacularly project laden room - like the one that is slowly taken shape now - that i spent the better half of my day sorting through... haha... but when i was in primary school, i was quiet, "conscientious" (as it always said on my reports and certificates) - i took pride in my work and was embarrassed beyond rational thought when i got anything wrong.
My daughter is not like me.
When i hear myself telling her to write between the lines, in uniform letters, to pay attention- to stop daydreaming- why did she do that, why isn't she even trying??
I kinda cringe... because i see her frown and her eyes glaze over- like here goes- and i think- man what is the big deal- some of her letters are big and others are small- sometimes she would rather colour in the picture than read the question... her book is lopsided and sometimes she glues in the pages up side down...
But what harm is there in that? Am i really gonna spend years beating out all of her quirks- so that i can spend years later on when she grows up unsure and confused - trying to bend and blend into the masses- that she should be exactly who she is, that she shouldnt try to be the same as everyone else, because she is extraordinary.
I tell people who tell me- that i'm lucky to have kids this close in age- that they will grow up close and look after each other....
i tell them that one of the biggest drawbacks of having kids one after another (other than the impossibility of losing that stomach and the INCreased possibility of incontinence) is that i don't get any one on one time with them. They became a group- one single entity for the purpose of eat, sleep, bathe- repeat- they had to do everything together- otherwise i'd be spinning in circles.
We have good fun together and they have fun together- but individually i always feel like i've cheated them the personal attention they deserve- but there is only ONE of me.
I regret not putting Tivi into a preschool program- because i see how it taught Che confidence - how it sparked an interest in activities that he never really had before. The pressure in even Kindy these days is insane. I've been to more workshops for Kindy parents than i ever attended lectures at uni! I can understand why parents send their kids to tutoring- because if you have more than one young child and a working spouse- it's impossible to allocate that many hours into 'helping' them at home. Can't imagine how working parents feel- or if they're even aware of how much they miss out on....
ANyway i'm rambling about a subject i'm sure anyone with kids already knows- haha the precarious line between encouragement and force. Between wanting them to do well among their peers- and not wanting to compromise what makes them individual.
mmmm - well i'm working on it... i realise i am the force that shoves me down most often. The bully that gets in my way and wont let me pass without paying a price. I'm the rain on my own parade.
Today i'm thankful for insight- for projects that feel stressful sometimes- but are essentially a mind shift that brings awareness to old habits no longer productive.
I love that the boys sleep like this- often.
I love buttons and daughters who wake up breathtaking- who love the little treasures her mummy stashes in baskets boxes and tins all over the room and house.
I love that i went to tell her off for playing with the empty Yakult bottle instead of eating her breakfast - looked down and saw this:
Tivi has run away to sleep over her Auntys house... Che's favourite part was watching Scooby Doo with Ethyn. Jacies was jumping on a jumping castle ( in his head)
Point form from here:
Looking forward to tomorrow and lunch with the girls.
Zane went camping with Dave and caught a fish.
Vietnam in coming up real fast!! Apprehensive - but excitement is creeping in!!
Yaaaaaayyy!!
Favourite conversation of the day:
Che: When is my birthday mum?
In January, after we come back from Vietnam
Che: Who's coming to Vietnam?
*asks individually who is coming*
*thinks for a while*
I made a purple one of when i lived in Vietnam in my- um what is it? My polio.
Me: What?
Che: i made it purple in my polio!
Me: You made what purple in your what???
Che: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME!
Me: i am, i just don't understand what you're saying!
Che: I made when i lived in Vietnam purple in my polio!!
Me: In your what??
CHe: The thing!! Like Tivi has!
Me: *thinking thinking* OHHHHHHHHH your portfolio!!
Che: YES! my polio!
Me: you made Vietnam? Purple? in your portfolio?
Che: Yeah! .... i wanted to make it green - but i didn't.....
LOL wtf moments with kids. Awesome.
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