A secret

I have a confession to make.

I like grand gestures.

Sometimes i get in these odd moods - where i want to watch a romantic movie- just so i can believe that someone somewhere actually believes this stuff.

That maybe people bought up on these movies, they grow up doing these things.

Haha... i usually push the romance genre over the Zane's side of the fence- and its rare that i will buy into the big hollywood version of romance.

I like my quirky movies, the ones i never know the names of coz i catch them at odd times - on sbs in ungodly hours of the day...

But- i like the thought that people go insane sometimes - over things that are bigger than the bodies that contain them. I don't necessarily believe in soul mates, or one true loves.

I believe that there are moments, when we feel things... so intensely- that to NOT act on it- to not jump into that brilliant craziness.... well that is just a magnificently tragic waste.

When i am restless with the world, I like to watch the crazy movies.

I downloaded Crazy, stupid , love.... just for the title.

Seriously.

It was a bit of a disappointment.... there wasn't much crazy in it at all. Haha...but it did get me thinking... i want my kids- to grow up believing - that you should be crazy about the things/people you love. You should always fight for whatever it is you believe to be true.

Haha so you can call me a closet romantic.

I suppose it's true.

But for me- it applies to everything... or at least i want it to.

Zane can probably testify- that i have my crazy moods. Lately- i've been feeling dull and grown up- and i can't say i enjoy it.

Its the crazy moments, that we remember...

I remember reading The Passion, and this paragraph hitting me at a time when i didn't have the words to describe who i was:

“We're a lukewarm people for all our feast days and hard work. Not much touches us, but we long to be touched. We lie awake at night willing the darkness to part and show us a vision. Our children frighten us in their intimacy, but we make sure they grow up like us. Lukewarm like us. On a night like this, hands and faces hot, we can believe that tomorrow will show us angels in jars and that the well-known woods will suddenly reveal another path.” 
― Jeanette Winterson

And i loved the description, because there are many days where that's all i am, Lukewarm.

If i had a lot of money - one 'company' i'd love to start - would be one called 'Grand Gestures'

Where people could commission - extraordinary projects to say how they feel.

Sometimes feelings are grand. Sometimes they should involve fireworks - and thousands upon thousands of flowers. Sometimes- a song, or a perfect treasure... sometimes one perfect moment- where the ordinary is just a break in the moments that matter- sometimes... this is all we need, to be reminded of why we are here.


So kids...

Specially you boys- buy flowers, sing, give the first girl you love- 99 balloons in her favourite colour. Buy her gumboots when its miserable, and a rainbow umbrella. On sunny days, bring her daisies. Fill her garden with them. Maybe - just find out what she loves and bring her everything that will make her smile. If your heart gets broken, know it only feels so bad, because it was worth every moment.

Be silly. Be unafraid. The worst thing you could do to yourself, is sacrifice what you really want, for what you might look like trying to get it.

Tivi, i know there will be boys who will be crazy for you. Be gentle with them. Be kind. Be true to yourself, but always remember, to appreciate- appreciate every heart that is given to you, and when you return them to their owners, try not to let it be in pieces.

Haha, i hope you're not sappy and girly and overly dramatic. I'm sure you probably will be at times - because you do have your fathers genes.

But.... you also have mine...and on those days where those big brown eyes glimmer with that little streak of insanity, i hope you believe and never stop believing... that if you follow that voice inside the pit of your stomach... the giddy little critters that won't sit still- they will only lead you to the most marvellous of adventures and the very best of life's lessons.

Believe -

In crazy, stupid , love. (the real thing, not the movie.)