I don't get to read very much anymore - i spend most of my free time staring into space - or messaging my lil crazy mothers club at odd hours of the morning and randomly through the day.
I keep ordering books and buying books and gathering books in a haphazard mess in my increasingly cluttered room.
I made Zane go get some tests done because he was feeling 'not quite right' with his family history - i get really pushy about catching things early.
So when the tests came back and he was told he had 'fatty liver' and needed to lose weight - we started talking about our diets and food and then i started picking up books with healthier recipes. Haha, i know it's just one of those things i do - i need motivation so i inundate myself with information about whatever it is i need to do. Sometimes this is all i do - collect information and never do anything about it. Food though and what i feed my kids, its important to me so i enjoyed reading. As a parent i freak out all the time that i'm failing in all ways - and when i read about food and what it does - well it does my head in.
Not only am i breaking these kids emotionally, and psychologically - but also physically. Feeding their bodies junk that would lead to all sorts of disease. Ugghhh *cries* haha
So these are my new friends:
We're trying to work on setting menus, trying out new things... cutting out the unhealthy processed snacks altogether. Haha, sometimes this is difficult, a lot of the times it's expensive. All the books tell us to try and choose organic. The shopping bills gone up... but if everyone ends up more energetic and happy then i guess you do what you gotta do. Who knows what you're supposed to be doing as a parent these days. It's all so complex and leaves me guilt ridden and overwhelmed.
Luckily, i've been reading Brene Brown (http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html) and recognise that shame is healthy (not really, but perfectly normal) and just indicative of the things we need to focus on and change. Haha- i really enjoyed Brene's ted talk so on a whim i Book Depositor(ied) her books, and while clicking around on as i do - i found a book called 'how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk' and seeing it was a measly 7 dollars gave that a go too.
The books i'm reading right now (other than nutrition/cookbooks):
I decided to just go on whims and get books on anything that caught my interest. I realised i'm becoming what people might see as a 'self help' nut... haha but there's nothing wrong with helping oneself.
I bought an introductory CD to TOny robbins from one of those deal sites. Just coz i needed a change the day i happened upon it and thought - hey yeah maybe thats it.
I have the 'get the edge program.' hahaha... just like the infomercial. - yes, no shame... i like Tony Robbins. SO far ive only listened. Haha i do none of the excercises, haha... he's just a CD he can't make me do anything!!
But anyway... it's been good. I learn a lot about myself doing these things. I realise how much i pride myself on being 'okay with who i am' when there are many times, when who i am - is far from who i would like to be.
There you go though - at the risk of being labelled as loon- reading fluffy self helppy thingys and subscribing to infomercials... haha - this is what i've been moonlighting as in between the School holidays and all the other stuff.
In the corner there if you're curious is my knitting.
This is the progress so far:
You can see the improvement in stitches right? i refuse to undo the first few, because this is my first ever attempt at something i thought i would never be good at.
I taught myself to knit. Schyeaaahhh... just coz part of my head is sick of listening to the other parts definition of who i am.
I'm trying a new thing where i'm working on dispelling myths ive created about myself - ' i can't imagine myself knitting.' 'knitting is not my thing...'
Well fuck, check this shit out then:
That i'm not good at being a mother.
I don't know what being a good mother means, and there are times when i know being good at this stuff is a luck of the draw thing. Somedays go well, and others fail epically- all you can do is get up. Try again.
Today Brendan had his 11th birthday. His mum, the sweetest woman to have ever lived, took a look as me as i walked in and commented to my Aunt, that i looked just like my Mum.
While in the bathroom earlier on i was noticing the increasing numbers of grey hair in my hair- i pictured mums greying hair... she always dyed it black but sometimes you would see those roots...
I feel a little excited to have grey hairs. There is a strangeness in being an adult that amuses me.
I don't mind getting old at all.
ANyway, Brendan is the cutest kid. He loved his party. You could see it on his face.
The kids had a blast too - a jumping castle, spring rolls and dressing up for Tivi. All in all, a spectacular day.
Specially when walking out - we saw this.
The sky was amazing. One of the highlights of my day.
One of the other highlights:
I love her drawings. Tivi draws me in pants and a tshirt, even tho she draws all other girls in a triangular dress... but i like how she notices, mummy doesn't wear dresses most of the time.
:) i'm falling asleep writing this. Last day of school holidays to survive tomorrow. SO OUtttttttties!! :)
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