keeping words

Every bone in my body is telling me to leave this.

But a voice in my head tells me i can't.

I'm in a really crap state of mind right now... but i promised to end my days with gratitude.

So today... these small moments
these little wonders...

There is joy in witnessing:

Che's smile. And his tears whenever i raise my voice. His face shines in its grins and crumbles in its sorrows. He wears his feelings close to the surface of his skin. I like this about him.

Jacies imagination. He tells such stories, and in the moments before pronuonciation is fine tuned... his words are cute formed carefully in his mouth.
"My dad is gone mum."
Yes He's gone... do you know where he's gone?
He's gone work!
And what does he do at work?
He fixing things.
Oh? Is that what he does?
Yes, he fix it with a hammer. I don't know.

Haha...  i don't know where he got the idea that working involves fixing things- with a hammer.

Tivi's insanity. She drives me bonkers with her unwillingness to cooperate, she argues constantly and likes to turn on the tears and sometimes if she's brave the tantrums. Today in the middle of one of our episodes where she told me to stop trying to be happy coz it wasn't working - i was cranky and i wouldn't be happy! I yelled Yessssssss it will work i will be happy! And she just on principle yelled NOOO! and because i was advancing to tickle her, went to kick me.

I grabbed her foot and we had a little fight - she was grinning and giggling and kicking her feet - and      it occurred to me that we were both nutty.

They are the source of all things, exhaustion and inspiration - laughter and tears, dreams and destruction.

I always liked contradictions and juxtapositions.

i suppose you get what you ask for - just sometimes not in the form you expected.