Edumacation

Ummm - still lost. 

Tivi's been sick and off from school - but today was parent teacher meetings, and she got to show me her portfolio.

This whole education thing - it kinda goes off on all sorts of directions for me. I think the school system is outdated, and revamping in all the wrong ways. I spent much of kindy at parent 'workshops' trying to understand what and how they would be 'teaching' these kids. 

Kids. The curriculum is loaded with words like objective, and outcomes - everything is marked on a scale. Reports are all typed up. 

I miss the handwriting of teachers and the big letters that told you how you were doing- but that's another story altogether.

At school, i was always a good student, (even in my highschool disenchantment i was never a bad student... ) In primary my reports were always littered with the words like 'conscientious, hard working, quiet, well mannered... '  my weak points were always the social aspects of school. I just didn't want to be friends with people all that much- i just wanted to read. Hehe... i did well in that environment academically because... i knew what was required of me and my personality suited it. I could sit quietly and do work all day long.

Tivi- well she isn't much like that at all. She doesn't sit still and is easily distracted.

If you looked at her report- you'd think she was average... the thing is - and i'm not even being biased... haha she's not what is written on that paper. Well she is easily distracted... but she's not just 'sound' in most of the 'competencies'. 

Our biggest area of contention always between Tivi and i and her schoolwork is - her neatness. In the line where 'Takes pride in work' there is a tick under 'needs improvement'. 

Part of me looks at her report and winces - another looks at her and feels a strange sense of loss and a stirring of rebellion.

Tivi isn't me, and i know she isn't 'sound' - she used to be confident, but i see her falter more often now. Question her choices, second guess herself.

I miss the days where she didn't care for anyone else's opinion.. she just did things her way.

I wonder if i should be telling her to be neater, try harder do this and that and the other thing... i wonder if that distant look in her eyes sometimes would be gone if she weren't within these confines.

I always found my freedom in my books. When i tell her that, when i tell her the most extraordinary thing school gave me and the reason why i always loved it- was it taught me how to read. And reading... was the source of all information... she smiles. She agrees to go to school, to learn how to read better. To know how to write what's in her head. All those stories.

Anyway... so i watch her today - first she was excited to see me. Tivianhs mum, who always comes to everything.

Then her friends said hi, one in particular ran up and repeatedly told me Tivi had messy writing. Her work was always messy. Despite the fact that this is true and that it drives me insane most times i see her work... i saw Tivi's face look like this:

And she was quiet. I told little Amy that, it was okay... that i'm sure HER work wasn't ALWAYS that neat. I smiled at Tivi, looked at her work. Amy continued to point out her messy writing while we flipped through. 

I ignored her, oohed and ahhed at all the things they'd been doing, all the things i heard bits and pieces of all the afternoons in the mad rush after school and before dinner... inside i Panicked a little that i didn't know how to handle the crushing of spirits, and the small cruelties of kids and comparisons... haha... She kind of covered her work. I told her she wrote excellent stories, and it was okay - we would work on her writing neatly. She nodded.

I spoke to her teacher a little. Spoke to parents who also weren't sure how well their kids were doing. I reassured everyone that they were getting there, it was only year one. They'd be fine, all in time.

They still weren't sure, alot of them know very little English... i can only imagine what that report looks like to them.

A report is no longer just a report these days - it's a comparison state and nationwide of how well your child 'preforms' in set tests and tasks. The report is handed out with more pages explaining how to read it than any information about the individual child.

The report is accompanied by a 'portfolio' a selection of best works. My 5 year old now has 3 portfolios showcasing her work. Haha.. insane. 

As always she wanted to show Zane. I asked her if we could leave it for the weekend. Just show him a favourite part for now. We needed more time to see everything.

She agreed. 

I sat her on my lap and asked her how she felt about Amy saying those things about her writing.

SHe hung her head and said she didn't like it.

I didn't like it either.

So Tiv, we'll work on it, together... just on the neatness.

SHe's kicking Amy's ass on everything else. Haha... but that's not even the point.

I don't want Tivi to compete. It's not a matter of competition.. of being better at it than everyone else... just of self confidence.

I know full well of what she's capable of. I often tell people she has my brains but her fathers attention span. Haha.. she is easily distracted, but maybe it's boring. 

Maybe like me in highschool - she just doesn't see the point. An idea is an idea- no matter how neatly it's written. Just like a good person is a good person no matter how ugly they appear.

Hehe... ANyway i'm tired and blabbing on... but today- was another question mark for me. I read a lot about 'unschooling' the new 'homeschooling' and i listen to a lot of people say that education is outdated.

I hear truths in it and i'm not brave enough to take her education into my own hands and the realms of experimental.

I don't like how it's taming her, disheartening  her. Bending her til she fits. Sometimes, fitting is he last thing you need.

So... i ponder again on the lives that have been trusted to me. I am reminded again of priorities. Of choice. 

Now, what will i teach my kids to value. A national scale, a cluster of kids, a scale of 'competency'? Or passions and dreams and finding their place. Outside of rules and outside of confines. Outside of expectations placed on them by boards of people who want to define what is 'outstanding' in a child.

I'm glad that she has a good teacher this year. I'm glad that she comes home with 'Good!' whenever i ask her how school was. 

I'm glad she still wants to show me her work even though she's been told it's messy by everybody.

I'm glad she nods and holds herself higher when i tell her i know that if we put our minds to it, writing neatly will not be an issue next time. It isn't a big deal. I know what she's capable of, and like me she hates to be told what she can't do. 

All we needed was a challenge.

It took me years to undo what meeting expectations required... how entirely unworth it it all was.


Anyway, more on this another time- for now- i'm sure all i need is time.

First we master the system so no one will have grounds to discredit us Tiv, then when we're on top- then we break some rules.