Sick in the sunshine

I'm STILL sick! Zane took the day off coz he's not too well either but coz i'm sicker it meant that he made lunches and drove the kids to school.

I find it interesting that he takes days off when they all have childcare. Haha! 

It's been beautiful weather. Spring has begun with shining skies and shades of blue. 

I hate being sick because my body is exhausted but my mind... it gets restless. 

My bedroom is warm in the daytime i love it in here.

For the first time in years i picked up a pencil and actually did a sketch. Haha it's far from perfect but that was never my style. 

I just did something. 

It reminded me of days when i just drew coz i didn't know how to write any more. When i drew i Didn't understand why nothing ever came out the way i meant it to. I loved the confusion between the frustration. Was fascinated with the disconnection between my hand and my mind.

I forced myself to draw, i forced myself to write. I forced myself to live.

And that's how i got by.

Now those things, they're the days that i miss. The freedom to sit with a pen or pencil - to wait til something forms. To have all the time in the world.

Hehe, i didn't really see the kids all day - they were around, they obliged to my requests for photos with the bribery of lollies.

We ate dinner together.

Exchanged favourite parts.

Ended our fragmented day.

I wonder how they'll remember me when they are old enough to remember.