drops of beautiful - draft from i dunno when

The crazy is broken by loveliness

I forget to write it,

I forget or i hold onto it

Because, i'm hoarding the drops of beautiful- and in the process it all goes down the drain.

I yelled at the kids weeks ago, and Jacie said he wanted a new mum. He said he didn't love me any more because i was yelling at them.

Che quietly went about doing what he was doing, and when he spoke- he said 'I love you mum, even if you yelled today. You were just having a bad day, but you're a good mum. You're the best.'

And i could have cried and maybe i did get teary.

I know that always, they have their ways of bringing my head back.

I am always surprised at kindness.

Aunty Verena stops by, and she tells me how wonderful it is to read about the kids, how funny they are, how i need to get back on facebook and keep them updated.

I don't have the words to comfort her for a loss i can't imagine.

So i hold the hug for just a little longer when we say hello, and goodbye.

I am awkward in the face of loss, but i am thankful, for all the kind words she offers ME. All the encouragements, all the faith.

Zane's family has always been free with love and kindness.

Despite my lack of tact, i hope they feel what i send to them in thoughts and in silences.

In between all the craziness, there is beautiful broken truth, there are smiles, there are hugs, there are words that are given as treasures, as keepsakes and comfort and all the things that matter... they will always sit at the core of all. And wait until all else falls.

In between all of us, there are a million days and hours and conflicting perspectives... and just one common thread. That thread is made of light, and forgiveness, and unconditional, unquestioning love.

Sometimes... i see it. And it's all okay again