I have the August blues too... and sick and inundated with stuff to do for so many commitments i'm not even sure what i've agreed to.
But now...
Now i write so i don't forget, what keeps me moving - what reminds me that these are the moments that keep me here.
Jacie,
You wake up one night as you do, and i go to automatically take you to the toilet... you're cranky.
I ask you what's wrong.
You glare at me.
Tired, i don't press it- wait for you to wash your hands, turn the light off- go back to bed.
You climb in my bed, and hug dad instead of your nightly ritual of cuddles with me when you find your way to my room.
Oh... are you mad at me?
You bury your head in dads back and mutter I had a bad dream AGAIN! You were bad in my dream!
I laugh and say i can't help your dream, but i am sorry it wasn't good.
In the morning you rub your eyes and i ask you about your dream.
You were turning the thing for the lollies mum, and you were turning it and the lollies were coming out too fast and they shooted at my head, and it hurt and you wouldn't stop!!
I was shooting you with lollies?
Yes! It hurted! And i said owww! and you wouldn't stop!
Hahaha... oh your serious face, i could smother you with kisses.
This weekend, you were playing some kind of game that involved climbing on me.
I pretended to die.
You went to 'give me breath' - you'd seen a picture of CPR on the first aid chart at childcare. You told me weeks before that this is what you do when people are dying, you breathe into them and give them breath.
Hehe - i stop you before you commence mouth to mouth. I tell you what if i died Jacie, what would you do?
You say, i would still hug you mum.
I laugh and say will you keep me here so you can come back and hug me?
Yes.
I won't be able to play with you.
It's okay, dad will play with me.
I won't be able to go anywhere with you.
It's okay mum, i will take you to wherever you want to go. I will take you, where do you want to go mum?
Wherever you go my Jace, i want to go with you.
Okay then, i will take you with me too where i go.
Won't i be heavy?
No i will just pull you with your toe. It's just little.
Haha, you will pull me around by my toe?
Yes!
Hehehe.. i don't know- when people die you bury them, in the dirt bubba.
No mum, iffa i bury you in the dirt, you will grow into a beanstalk.
Oh? I will?
Yes, then i can climb it and find a new mum.
Hahaha good plan!
But then... i will dig you up anyway and hug you.
Haha... thanks Jace. But i will be all dirty.
It's okay you can have a shower, dad will give you a shower.
Hehehehehehe!!!
Oh you are funny... can you see if you can try and pull me by my toe?
Okay! *gets up and grabs my big toe* ugghhh can't do it.
Hehe will you really do it when i die?
Yeah, because iffa you die mum, all your air is gone, and blood and water and you won't be heavy anymore.
Hehehe... that's gross!
Yeahh... but you won't be heavy and i can pull your toe.
Tehehehehe
Oh my Jacien, you are smiles and sunshine.
I wish you would never grow up.
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