Radiating out.

He's got these big eyes, and his belly sticks out, nice and round in his white singlet. He's at the side of our bed, a sheepish smile. After we make our nightly trek to the toilet I ask him to guess what day it is. He's sleepy again but grins and whispers... Happy birthday mum. His arms wrapped around my neck, his face on my shoulder.

We sleep, and by morning there is another little body on the other side of me. 

I tap him and he smiles and sings softly Happy Birthday tooo you...his voice is barely a whisper, his smile as soft as his words.

She... she runs into the room later on screaming HAPPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! and flinging herself onto the bed. A tornado of hair and giggles. I squeeze her tightly, i have to use both arms now because she no longer fits in one.

The hairy mountain occupying the rest of the space is trying hard to squeeze in the last few moments of sleep.

My three little loves sing happy burpday. And we burp and laugh and i tickle them.

Life is good.

The messages i get this year are far and few between, no facebook to remind people, no facebook to make it easier to type a message.

I kinda like this.

I read the news, the news of fires and loss, of insanity and resilience, of a world in chaos and misplaced priorities. 

Breathe.

Straighten up.

Eat the breakfast he's made me.

Drink my coffee.

Remind myself that there is so much to be sad about today, but there is no more need for sorrow.

I will not help anyone by letting heaviness draw me inwards. 

I cannot help if i am afraid of the things i can't understand. Why the crazy, why are people mean and cruel and destructive. Why take away good things, why is it like this. 

Fear drives me in. Turns compassion into helplessness. Makes me hold onto the the things i should let go of.

Beneath fear, beneath helplessness. There's hope. There's love. There's light.

Today, we release that.

Radiate out.

*hugs to you all*