In the car with Zane, and I say to him 'Back there, at the Warehouse you had that charity token, what made you choose Kids Cancer and not the Suicide Prevention program? '
I know his answer. He's told me before. 'I don't know, my mum had cancer...' I know it occurs to him, the causes of death were side by side, and slowly he adds 'i had the token? And thought of our kids and how If they had cancer...'
It's ok , I would have too. One is a choice. People don't choose cancer, specially kids... people don't choose depression either, but people choose to survive it every day and they can. They do. We do... right? It's hard and it sucks but it's a choice.
He says yeah and half shruggs and we talk about August and how it haunts me. I look out the window and see the sun just coming out of a cloud- the mountains in the distance, blanketed by snow. The blue sky. The cold air hits my face. I go to take a photo. Go to post something to add to the words that are saturating my newsfeed, where people mourn someone they knew on screen, type words of encouragement and understanding. Speak of silent battles that rage every day.
I close the screen. Say things to Zane about how facebook is a place of contradictions.
Where people's lives are comments and war and kids and videos of silliness are all mixed together in this obscene and insane way.
Robin Williams his life his work and what it meant to people. Depresion is real guys, look after yourselves and each other.... and just last week- Justin Bieber should get hit by a bus or go and die, the world would be better off.
Wow really?
That's someone's kid. Someone's family. You don't even know him. Sigh.
I sometimes can't make sense of myself let alone others.... so I find the words are messed up. The world is messed up my insides too.
So I look outside. Breathe in.
Live gently. Love hard. Let go where you can. Always try to. See. Keep going. Try.
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