while we were waiting...

For Chrises blog,

and just before i put myself to bed... i'll do a quick one

Today after we dropped Che and Stella off at Childcare, we went across the road to get groceries, Tivi said she was hungry and chose to eat Chow Mein and Honey CHicken at 10am after having already ate her breakfast before leaving the house. Haha... some days she's odd like that.

Anyway so we sit down and she's eating and Jacies sharing bits of it and i've got my brunch of Subway... Tivi looks up and smiles and says

'This is nice isn't mum?'
'What is? sitting here eating with you?'
'Yes, sitting here eating and only having two kids...'
'Haha what do you mean it wouldn't be nice if Che was here too?'
'With three kids you have to yell all the time.'
Hahahaha ...

She was lovely today and we went and bought some dresses i'm sure she doesnt need, but the sunshine makes me want to put her in pretty things so i can watch her run around in them, making me happy with all her prettiness.

I missed you today Mum and Nanna. I wished you could have seen her. Like everyone always tells me - she's beautiful. And its true, she is. She has your name, she sometimes has your facial expressions. I know you would have gotten on so well. You could have made her all the dresses she loves to wear, and all the foods she loves to eat, and i know once you saw that face, you'd do anything for her and she would adore you but take full advantage of your devotion.

Nanna you would have ooohed and ahhed at her dresses, at her smile, at the sunshine on her skin and in her eyes. You would have told me that she takes after her grandmother- haha and i'd say yeah on her mothers side. Haha but yeah... i'll do this again later... i'm so tired i cant find the words right now.

I just wanted to say i missed you both, and when i look at her... i feel the closest thing to regret there is inside of me... because of the wanting for you to know her- i go over the what if's and whys and it gets no where but i know she is here now, and i am lucky enough to witness her be. Just her, flighty and free and magnificent.

This is Tivianh and she is 5.

Today i am thankful to be her mother, because she is stunning, and she is - mine.