It's been a long time since i came around...

Its been along time but I’m back in town
And this time I’m not leaving without you..

*steals you and runs*

haha.. there's this video of these two people singing Lady Gaga's song...

David Choi was an unexpected discovery i happened upon one bored weekend. I love guitars and floaty voices that remind me of sunshine and summer... the fact that he's Asian made me laugh. Haha i'm used to seeing my share of really bad singer Asians, and its like the whole driving thing... the next generation coming up aren't even Asian anymore. They're descended from.

Anyway i listened to his music and watched his video, i ordered his CD as a birthday gift to myself and a Thank you to him for making me laugh, he's currently unsigned and mostly making music from his bedroom, that's a wonderful thing and like the barriers they cross racially, the young people that are often underestimated dream big dreams and sometimes, in these special cases- they do something proactive about it. I love the energy and the playfulness of his videos. (you may recognise him from 'I'm Hardcore' LOL! still funny)

Hehe ...So instead of soundtracking you with Lady Gaga herself, here's David and Lisa Lavie... press play and skip the video just keep scrolling. You can read to the music.




Lol i know, i know, there's been a few days missing between posts. October is fast coming to a close, and at last count i'm about 7- maybe 8 posts short at this time.

Haha, some of that was in part because when we went North for the weekend i had no reception and no internet access... Dave did offer me his i admit, but i'm a believer these days in following the signs. The signs told me not to write because in the time i was writing, i'd also be missing out on the wonderful conversations and great laughs to be had.

Sometimes it's wiser just to stop summarising what has been, and participating in what IS.

SO there in lies the reason for your missing days, i started a project of gratitude to change an attitude i wasn't happy with. I posted it to a wider audience, because it gave me a sort of accountability. People were watching to make sure i continued...

Haha Yummii the insatiably bubbly bubble of loveliness, called this 'Giving inspiration air time.' (referring to her own 1000 Days of Inspiration Project)- and it's true, Facebook - this blog even was just to share with you all the things that made me happy and the things that make us - us.

I felt bad originally for not blogging, but offline and off record- i was still doing everything, i just wasn't advertising it, and this feels nice also.

I love to share, but at times it can become a little bit for show.

I know this, because there are times i admit i check the LIKES under the post to make sure people have read about how awesome we are. Hahaha yes i know, its sad to admit but come on- s'if you haven't done that! It's always nice to get positive feedback but when it becomes too much of what its about, you compromise a little of yourself coz you want to please the masses... i've tried to stay genuine but sometimes i do find myself thinking - that bit would be cool for the blog, Minus that bit.

haha, sometimes i think i should get into marketing coz i sell our days better than they were lived, part of that is awesome because it does make me focus on the great things and to leave the not so great on the cutting room floor... but sometimes i'm sure the kids can tell you mums not as happy joy joy as she makes out. Hahaha not ALL the time that is.

Anyhoo so my commitment to the project stays strong. I appreciate the fact that i can recognise what i'm doing wrong- in the end it's all about change. Real change- now and not retrospectively.

SO there, is a part explanation part tongue poking to all you kids who wanna tell me i'm not holding up my end of the bargain. Haha you can't judge me, i make my own rules.

Anyway... I've had an amazing few days since i last left you, hanging off the branches of a blossoming balloon tree.

It's hard to remember everything and i really should make a note to write down quickly in illegible shorthand, the things that are ultra cool so as not to forget them, i just think coz they were ultra cool i wouldn't forget them anyway.

Haha that's always my downfall coz my memory is nothing short of terrible since the cells required for remembering died in the rude shock that was childbirth.

I'm kinda congested and outta it so hang in there, i'll blog properly when i can think properly but... for now-

I made a little video montage of my birthday, which was an awesome day all round.



The video in itself is just moments, some of them defy explanation and some of them require a little, and i would have written the blog about it on the night... but instead i chose to finish off what i had started on facebook and then go to bed to prepare for the next day of merry making.

So to recap the important bits, Zane's (and the kids) present for me was a tablet, not the iPad kind, but a sketching one... coz he remembered from a long time ago- me seeing it and telling him i wanted one...

I wanted to turn my doodling electronic and play with them onscreen... its been a long time since i had the confidence to be drawing anything at all... but the point is, he remembered and that is the sweetest. :) Thank you, i love it and i will open it and play properly but i need the space and time so do not be disheartened i'm saving it for big things, like the paint hehe

When i went to bed that morning it was past 12 and Dave, Vinnie and Chris had already wished me a happy birthday. I wished them a happy mybirthday back.

I started Happy mybirthday a few years back, because i was always really grouchy on my birthday due to the fact that i am hideously awkward at receiving gifts and attention.

Haha, so to not appear ungrateful one year i decided to pre-empt the wishes and gifts with wishes and gifts of my own. It was brilliant, because i spent the day of my birth- a day to celebrate my life- buying gifts and focusing on the people around me... the people who made my life worth celebrating... and since then, happy mybirthdays have been the reason why i look forward it so.

This year, i promised myself that i would respond personally and genuinely to all birthday messages, mostly on Facebook... it took up large parts of my day writing all these responses but it was well worth it. Words are awesome gifts and thank you to all those that sent me theirs! :)

Writing back made me remember all the great times i've had with everyone, and facebook like i've said before is this amazing space where all these people i knew from wonderful places i've been, are all there- some, 15 years later, a whole lifetime away and still as beautiful, funny, kind and generous as the days when i knew them in person- cept better- matured like fine wine and smelly cheeses hehehe... it reminded me of all the awesomeness that surrounds me and made my day a really amazing one, full of love, laughter and insanity. The steady foundations by which i build my friendships.


The by-product of Happy mybirthday is the kids get excited, because they get presents. Haha granted they were just plain rude and greedy and wanted more than they received (haha but that's just the nature of childhood so i'll let it slide). Even Zane who thought the concept was crazy and nonsensical, i know has grown into it because the gifts are never expensive. Just a small warm thought in a cold harsh world. Haha...

The photos/clip of Jacie and the skateboard was one of the highlights of my day, he saw a skateboard, and pointed insisting it was his 'skat boar' and it was just his size too. With his cap off to the side he certainly looked the part... but i'm still logical enough to know that a two year old will do more damage than tricks on a skateboard up here. Hehe so maybe when you're older sonshine, in the meantime i love that you know what you like :)

Vy, bought me a camera an insane gift, but i was reminded to accept graciously and be grateful for that which is given to me in the spirit of love. Aww she loves me. haha and no i'm not a born again jesus loves me evangelist. Just trying- to change the fact that i find negatives often- even in the wonderful things, like receiving awesome presents from people who do, because they Can and Want to.

Thank you.

Vinnie on the Tuesday or Wednesday, bought me nectarines. For 2.50 each. Haha coz i like nectarines and she likes to give me the funny things that bring me joy, i sometimes think for her- i'm the crazy marker she comes back to now and then to escape from the realities of life - the break in sense, the bridge to extremely possible and livable nonsense.

Hehe thanks for the ninja bread cutters, for  the 'voucher' to Hurricanes - coz we share the love of cool little weird things and crazy conversations and we share it often, over our love for food.

The Morrises serenaded me with a birthday song and came up to bestow hugs and well wishes over Thai food. They are amazingly generous people with their time, patience and unconditional support. I can't thank the universe enough for their presence in our lives.

 

But anyway that seems like a really long time ago!! Coz between then and now, i got my wish of long drives and sunshine and beaches and watching the kids play and having space to think.

Cat and Dave, two people who are awesome friends- because friendship comes naturally to them, who will laugh with you and sit with you and talk to you about anything and everything. Who ask because they WANT to know, who know because they care. Who genuinely celebrate your accomplishments, evaluate the setbacks- without reserve or judgement and offer you the hand, the push, the hugs and jokes - just the wonderful company, you need to set you back on your merry way.

Thank you for coming on the weekend, for the laughter and the conversations - Cat, everytime we get together i learn something from you and about you. You're an extraordinary person and an amazing friend and all the things you want, they're just waiting for you to acknowledge to yourself how deserving you truely are.

Dave, hahaha i laugh when i think of you because you're funny in the most unassuming way. I laugh at you and you laugh with me, that's how cool you are. Like you said, you got payed out all weekend, but by the end of it you were still smiling which is testament to the kinda person you are, you know what you know and you don't take yourself too seriously. All the trivia inside that head of yours will come to play someday... coz there's no such thing as Useless information. Haha, you are incredibly kind and funny, generous and genuine - and when that girl finally comes around- i know she'll be perfect for you and she will also laugh at my poking fun at you and we will have many happy days together, where our children will look after yours so that we may make merry while they play.

Zane didn't bring many friends with him into this relationship- but of the ones he did invest in, you are my favourite. Haha you told me i was like a sister to you, and that is true i make fun of you like i assume i would, a lil brother- but Vinnie would tell you, you're luckier to have me as a friend. Haha i'm prone to torturing my younger siblings and i'm sure had you been born with my genetic makeup you wouldn't find me as adorably wise as you do now.

But yeah, Cat, Dave- thanks for coming and for the funny long chats and the stories and philosophies and scientific theory. Hahaha one day Dave, quantum physics will show you the truth and you will say HOLY shit, Vien was right. Babies and Weather. The circle of life.

Haha Mel, thank You for driving up insanely early on the Saturday. For going outta your way always to spend time with the kids who never take long to warm up to you and order you around. Haha they must sense a parallel maturity level despite the height difference.

Thank you to all of you for putting up with my odd humour, my tourettes like conversation skills and my constant teasing. Thanks for playing with the kids who are insanely lucky to grow up being loved and looked after by people who want nothing but the best for them, who find them hilarious and fascinating and never complain or even notice when they are noisy and interrupt or demand attention.

Thank you for the wonderful time.

 
 
 

To Zane, who watched the kids and fed them and put them to bed and drove and gave me the space and time to really catch up with my friends (and yours) i love you very much. Thank you, for not only that weekend, but for all the other days and nights and weekends you've given me.

During a conversation with Cat about kids and the distractions of having them around, i realised i'm incredibly lucky in that i can ask you to take them and sit down to talk uninterrupted (for the most part) while you take over and i've never known you to complain about such moments, because you genuinely want me to be happy and have fun. THANK YOU, i know i don't give you the credit you deserve sometimes - but consider this a start... a beginning of many more such moments to come. I know i slipped and complained some about you and other things (damn dave, i didn't hit him hard enough to learn my lesson) hahaha but next time, next trip we will only count the good things.  My kind sir, i salute you. Thank you for all that you are, and all you have been, and Wow. to all you Will be. :) I've really seen the difference in you lately, thank you for giving me the time and space to dream and for sometimes dreaming with me.

And in the days before and since then there was this beautiful moment, when Che was looking through a Target catalogue and saw the car ramp that mounted onto the wall and was so enthralled by it he took it to sleep and woke up frantically searching for the catalogue again haha- my dad, his Ong Ngoai said he would buy it, and that day after work- my dad who never goes shopping unless he really needs something, went to target and bought my son the ramp that he so wanted.

I was surprised because he was so adamant that he would get it, even after i said its okay- he took the catalogue with him so he would get the right one and when he came home with it, Che's face was disbelief and awe.

We put it together on Monday... and it/ was awesome.

3m plus hot wheels equals Che's heaven. Hehe after i put it up for him he kept gushing, Thank you so much mum, thank you so much for doing this for me. Hehehe cuteness.


Other Random Highlights: Jacie now really gets the favourite parts thing, yesterday he said Favourite part, Having dinner, bath and hug Daddy!

Tonight he said going shopping mummy. Hehe coz Tuesdays are our days. ( i wrote this bit yesterday)

Che did a Show and Tell  at childcare, he showed them his 'Fatman' (a batman soft toy- he calls Batman-  Fatman- Jacie calls him Matman haha... ) and his crocodile.

This was his favourite part and also mine, only because sometimes Che is painfully shy and lately, i see him taking chances, and smiling that smile... coz he knows i'm watching him. I said to him tonight, i'm proud of you Che. And he said 'Why?' and i said, 'Because you got up in front of your friends and talked about your toys, that was brave.' He smiled a little smile and cupped my face in his hands and said 'You're funny mumma.' Haha and i suppose i am... because part of me is a real mum, proud of small achievements and afraid  of unknown things.

Tivi, she's been trying really hard (most days) to eat her meals quickly and to help with all her little 'jobs' sometimes, she forgets to listen and this drives me crazy- but she's not a little baby anymore and there are moments when she sees things clearer than i do and  i have to keep reminding myself to listen to her too.

Sometimes the rules we've been brought up to believe were for our own goods, do nothing but keep us within boundaries, contained and helpless and small. I'm looking at myself from so many different perspectives these days, and the only thing i know to be true is - there is always a choice. And it will always be mine.

Haha i started writing this yesterday and its been going all through the day today, i've been wrapping bits of new thoughts around yesterdays old thoughts and - if it doesn't make sense chalk it down to - i was parenting in between the blogging haha...

It's been nice catching up, i have things to do and  kids unattended in the bath haha... i've already burned dinner haha so uhh thats two strikes down...

To the friends that accompanied me in search of sun and funshine, next time- it will be complaint free. I swear- hahaha and i won't have to smack Dave so much to remind me.

Haha and because i blog in real time, and Chris is hassling me to post it here goes. FAT OUT.