Hold your own

Know your name, and go your own way.




Whenever i feel shit, beaten down a little- i love this song. I love it coz it does make me lift my head a higher- it reminds me that when it matters, when i think this is screwed,  i have gotten up - taken a breath, held my own, remembered who i was, trusted myself and gone just that one little bit further.

I woke up this morning in a great mood, i had fantastic ideas of how to collaborate all the immense and often wasted talents of exhausted mothers and bored kids. I can't get into it too much now because this is a short one, i need sleep because i have holiday kids- i have a 6am start and 5 maybe 6 kids and a surprise party to plan.

I was excited about all these things - and more.

One moment- words, frustration. Anger. One moment that ruined it all.
And i fumed for hours. Outrage. My insides burned, my hands shook. How to deal with irrationality, unreasonable and condescending. How to stay quiet when the words were seething inside me.

Now, after a visit from Dave, a talk with Zane, showering, browsing pretty pictures and reading everyones Facebook statuses about weekends spent with family and friends- seeing photos of adorable kids that belong now to the kids i used to know... i'm not angry anymore.

It's not worth it anymore.

So thank you, to all of you- for reminding me that i don't have to stoop to that level, that focusing on stupid things and people who have no regard for others - just wastes time and energy that could be better spent elsewhere.

Thank you for dinner Dave and the chat.

Thank you Zane, for the way you handled things- for being calm, for calming me - for the perfect balance that you held while i skewed off the charts.

Thank you to Phuong who always has kind words to say, who supports unconditionally- who is as an older sibling should be, as the eldest who leads by example not by force.

Thanks to all the amazing people online - who always share sunshine with me whenever i need it. Who remind me of the great things that far outweigh the bad.

Thank you for reminding me that although i can't control others- i can choose how I deal - how I  feel. Who  I  am.

Thank you to the kids as always - for the hugs, for the smiles, for the laughter and loveliness.

 Che doing his fire spinjitsu

 Jacie and his 'I did a poo in the toilet' Lollipop reward

 Jacie being a ghost

 Sunday painting with Aunty Vy.

Sorry dudes - that's all i got tonight- i need to get to sleep. Here's to hoping well meaning surprises all working out in the end hehehe... concentrate your goodvibes here > . < i need a boost :) night ya'll

They & i
18.12.2011