Asking

This can't be too long- i need to sleep.

I was going to pass on this tonight - since i've been ransacking the room looking for Che's specialist referral. For weeks now, he's been extremely uncooperative, and i've needed to raise my voice to him so many times- last week, after another incident, he sat on his bed and gave me a look and said matter of factly- 'I can't hear you mum.'

What do you mean?? I ask, biting my lip as he pulls on his ear.

We're no strangers to ear infections round here so i ask 'Does your ear hurt?'

Nope, i just can't hear wrelly well in this ear.

What what do you mean? its blocked? it's quiet?

He shrugs.

I get Zane to take him to the doctors early saturday morning. The doctor see's nothing obviously wrong inside his ear so gives us a referral for a hearing test.

In the weekend madness, and this weeks trying to organise preschools and various things, i place the referral somewhere and promptly go about doing all the other things... today i notice when he's talking to Stella, that he's turning his head so he can hear her with his 'good ear'.

I'm hit with that bad mother guilt and go to get the letter, only to find- i have no idea where i've put it.

SO after searching every possible place (and several impossible places) i ask the universe for help. I need to find this piece of paper!

SO i keep searching and i'm growing ever more agitated and everywhere i go i'm pulling out things and thinking - gosh there's so much i gotta get around to sorting- and its stressing me out some.

I sit on the edge of the bed. Turn and see the facebook notifications.

Chat to Tram a little and click on a link posted and tagged by Yummii- i'm not a particular fan of the "god' thing myself, but if anyone is the ambassador for the universe, it's gotta be Yummii... so i tell myself not to ask for help from a mystic force if i'm not going to open myself up to the signs. SO i read: (http://www.realsimple.com/work-life/family/relationships/inside-god-box-00000000045743/index.html) and it's nice n all but i'm like - really this is what you're giving me?? (to the universe, not yummii Lol)

and while i'm reading i'm chatting to Tram - and Tram, Marii, Leet and I have been having these late night - anytime of the day we're free- conversations about everything and we vent to each other - about kids and families and all the mother related things that control our lives... haha and as i;m talking to her i realise how much is actually on my mind. How many things i am WORRYING about. I don't like to think i worry - i like to think i handle.

Sometimes i fly off the handle... but most days its a matter of just doing what i can. Getting on with it.

Anyway so i finish the article. Trams making a hasty exit to squeeze in as much sleep as she can before the next kid induced wake up call.

I think - fine- i'll do it, just because i said i would- trust, trust that you get what you put out there. I've been negative and tired and punctuating lectures to the kids with 'I'm sick and Tired....' and fullfilling my own prophecies. I have been sick and tired for waaay too long.

The article was offering me an idea, a place to put the hundreds of things swirling around in my mind. An avenue to let it go.

I get up and say- i'll just have a shower first and think about this later. Then a voice in my head stops me at the door. Do it now. Prove you will.

I pick up the closest piece of paper i can find, a pen on the ground- scrawl my first note to the universe (my idea of 'god'). A plea to help locate the missing referral... put it in a Jar, and place it back up on the shelf.

So... i have a universe Jar instead of a god box.

I'd like to tell you that i came out from the shower, and found the referral miraculously. But i didn't.

I don't know if i will, it would be cool- but it is a nice thing to have anyway- a place to shelve the things i can't do anything more about tonight. It's also a good thing - this Learning to ask for help, actually writing it down so there's evidence i need help. Haha...

One thing is for sure, i'm going to need a bigger Jar.

SOrry so much more to say but sooo sleepy!!

I realised i never welcomed Liam to the world  here, so Liam Khorn - hope you enjoyed your first week of life! You have amazing parents, (specially that mother of yours) i know you'll enjoy the ride with them (and your two sisters)!!

And welcome today too... to Liam Luong - lucky second born and first son to another awesome mum. (and dad i'm assuming but i don't know him too well lol..)

Life's good kids, when you have parents who try everyday and everyway to make everything and anything possible for you. The world is amazing. You'll learn that for yourselves, yayyy two new boys - blessed enough to be born into homes and hearts with nothing but love and light and the best of wishes surrounding them. Too cool.


Che's favourite part was eating icecream with chocolate sauce after playgroup.
Jacies was pimpimble. (i have no idea)
Tivis was having dinner. (We had rice and spring rolls)