Ummm

Writers block.

I get like this sometimes. Where i haven't got much to write coz... well i've been saying it all out loud i guess.

The weekends gone again.

This time, we yelled and banged stuff. Apologised. Hugged. Did groceries, sang songs. Tivi painted a picture.

I bought stuff i didn't need from Typo. Hehe... i shopped from a book. Menu planning. I said i would do it.

I'm waiting for something. I'm not sure what.

The kids, they watch superheroes and play games. The hang out with their cousins, make messes. Do all the things that we used to do as kids. 

I talked about school to Zane and kids i couldn't remember from never being very social and always preferring books. Tivi joined in by saying 'Mum, are you talking about ages ago when you were at school again?'

Haha... indeed.

My daughter turns Six in about two weeks. 

I'm a parent. 

Strange. 

Hehe... the thing that got me talking about school, was i told Zane about how on Friday morning, Tivi was watching a video clip on my computer of CHristina Agueliras Song 'Beautiful'. She made a funny sound, and i came over to see what was on the screen. Two guys kissing? I ask her.

No... that man! she was chortling at a man putting on a wig.

Hehe i ruffled her hair. He's playing dress ups, whats wrong with that.

She giggles.

I tell Zane that to her, two dudes kissing means nothing. People kiss because they love each other. 

The thing that scares me about school is the increasing exposure she has to these other kids and their learned ideas of what it 'wrong' and what is 'gross'.

I spent lots of time reading in primary school and not much time making very many friends. I was never influenced by my peers. In books, characters who are the 'strange/weird/odd' ones, were always the most likeable.

I grew up with a strange skew of what was normal and what isn't. Or rather, i grew up with a tendency to find ordinary dull, and oddities intriguing. 

Tivi, well she notices people- and wants to be part of groups more than i ever did. I try and relax myself from the increasing panic i feel when part of me see's in her something completely alien to me. I'm not sure how to handle a 'popular' child. Or a child that wants to be.

Hehe i don't want her to lose the confidence, but i don't want her to lose herself either.

So these are the conversations i've been having lately.

They vex me, these details of parenting.