I spent this morning taking "School Photos" the Playgroup version of anyway...
Apprehensive, i tried to shake off the voice of doubt and handle. I danced to Katy Perry's Firework with Tivs over breakfast, Lupe Fiascos I'm Beamin with Jace. Jason Mraz's Make it mine with Che.
I told myself that you know- whatever the outcome, it's my first time - and if i looked at it right, it'd be a real learning experience.
People keep telling me i should do this and that, and i've always got a camera with me, no matter how many times i get told - 'I LOVE your photos!' i still think... i take a lot of photos, and you probably only see the best of them... so yeah... haha i'm a phoney! It's not skill it's just you know... picking and choosing.
Haha... i doubt myself often, and i know that if i were a friend of mine, i'd be frustrated by my inability to acknowledge my 'talents' - so lately i've been forcing myself to step up. Volunteer for the things that i always hid from, when i said 'I can take the photos if you want...' No one questioned it but the voice in my head.
Chi Binh, the playgroup teacher - forced me to set a price on it. It was awkward. I back and forthed on a figure. I don't even know the costs of printing something like that. 'Oh and we need the names under them too is that okay?'
Sure.
Haha i really had no idea and part of my head said WHATTTTTTTTT AREEEEE YOUUUU DOINNNG?? Winging it bro, what else?
Haha I have a month before i end the school term prematurely, in that month i have a billion and one things to do already. When Van heard that i was taking the photo for playgroup, she shook her head and said i was crazy.
The playgroup parents are notoriously difficult to handle.
Haha i woke up jittery and nervous.
There are some things i really don't like - one is failing, another is displeasing people and there's also the issue of putting a monetary value on something i've done and selling an inferior product for more than it's worth.
Haha, so i walked out of my house this morning, no camera - I was borrowing Vans - no idea of where or how to set up a group photo without one of those nifty portable grandstands that they have for school photos, certain of nothing but the fact that-
1. I know getting 3 children to look at a camera at once, and smiling nicely is near impossible and most often a fluke. So getting 29 to do it just wouldn't happen.
2. I would be criticised. Sized up. Whispered about.
3. No matter what happened, people had PAID already for these photos. I had to deliver SOMETHING.
So, i walked out smiling, there was no turning back now. (i wondered frantically if it was not too late to get a professional in) haha...
Vien, Vien - You love taking photos. You love that camera that you sometimes get to borrow.
You are great with kids. Now go.
The first time... it's a series of reruns now, of all the things i should have done better, move that kid, ask that one to stay still, told the parents to back off... Haha... but done... is done.
I'm learning slowly to let it go. Behind me they speak my mother tongue as if they've never heard me speak it, as if i wasn't there.
At one point when i didn't know really how to seat a bunch of restless 4 year olds, and heard a woman say (in Vietnamese) sarcastically that i must be a professional because i had a big camera, while her friend snickered and said 'well she makes pretty jelly.'
I closed my eyes, took a breath- turned and looked them both in the eyes, smiled brightly and said 'Thank you.'
I know i said i'd write about the second half of an extraordinary birthday, but my lessons today - they need to be written before i have to go to bed.
Thank you to Mrs. Huynh and Maria, who trusted me with the task in the first place, Thank you to the kids who are impossible but have good reason to be, Thank you to the parents who helped, and to the parents who didn't.
Haha... thank you to Zane for always telling me to do stuff, that people WILL like it and if they don't who cares. (well i do actually... but okay) Haha, thanks for the use of your PC and your assistance with photoshop.
Thanks Dad for dropping off your delicious curry.
Happy birthday Uncle Mike.
It's 2am and i have library day tomorrow. Yeek.
Thanks Yummii for your time and words- haha thanks for the gentle nudges disguised as encouragement, i know you know my secret fears haha :P
The draft that i get to present to Chi Binh:
My beloved parents in the Preschool Class of Playgroup
And my favourite models as they were on this here fine spring day; while the D3 is still in my care:
Thanks Van for lending me the camera. :)
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