Stop apologising!

That was the advice my first customer at Teletech told me, cept he said it with a laugh and not an exclamation mark. Where ever you are now, with your hopefully working broadband connection Michael, thank you for being so patient with me and for the laughs and extreme niceness on my first call. Sorry about breaking your computer! tehe!

Anyway i was going to start off this post with SORRY, but that popped into my head, and Zane tells me all the time to stop being apologetic in here.

He says life doesn't always make time for blogging. Haha well he didn't say it like that - he says 'That's how life is.' I just assume he means that life is like all - don't blog tonight you ain't got time for it...

shhh....i make sense, and no i'm not talking to myself.

Hehe i kinda hesitated to start this because i don't have the words to express what occurred in the days between the last post and now. I always want to make things BIG and awesome and fitting of what they meant to me. I always want to do grand things. And i wait til i have everything right.

Cept you know... the longer you wait the less right it becomes.... haha

Wow so i started this... then i got hella distracted by this other conversation i'm having with a past life.

It amuses me how distracted i become when i'm unsure of how to go about expressing things.

There's the voice in my head that keeps telling me, of all the things that i've  tried to learn - one of which is to not think too much on how, and stop waiting. Do it.

So this will be far from perfect and it certainly will fall short of what it should be, it won't be the eloquence that i imagine it MIGHT be

But it's a thank you...

For a weekend where i guess i saw - a summary of everything i had been trying to capture for over a year now.

All the reasons i have to be grateful.

So on Friday - Zane messaged me and told me he would be home to take us out for dinner, get ready and he'd have a quick shower.

I did get ready, and i was apprehensive because i knew he had been plotting something and i am not so much a fan of schemes and surprises i didn't myself devise.

Haha... i am notoriously bad at letting people do things for me on my birthday - but this year i promised to unclench my fingers from the reigns of control and left it to him.

Tivi and the boys all dressed and ready - i was setting up the camera to take some photos of Tiv- when Caitlyn came in and behind her there was Tram.

Apparently dinner didn't involve my family.

Haha... i grimaced a smile and kissed my kids goodbye feeling bad that they were dressed and not coming. Tram assured me they would be fine - we got into her car and she drove a very short distance to Leets place, where Marii already was- and Leet had cooked my favourite Cambodian dish!

It was a surprise mothers gathering! With only half the kids.

Tram brought a cake - yum.

Marii brought 32 roses.

Shaking off the awkwardness of surprise was easy with them. We've spent hours between early mornings and late nights, discussing all the weirdness and wonder of motherhood.

It's not an exclusive club, but it's one that is hard to understand til you have pesky, awesome midgets of your own.

I was bewildered by the thoughtfulness, from the food to the flowers, to the small and relaxed atmosphere - to Zanes ability to fuse my dislike for fuss and gatherings, with a mandatory celebration that was kinda a perfect way to end an exhausting week.

I am very thankful for the mothers group who always listen to my raves, and go along with my insanity.

 Thanks for all the laughs dudes, for always being around to hear me vent my crazy wife/mum insanity - for laughing at and with me. For all the invaluable advice. For all the bullshit that fills in the rest of the spaces. Haha... thank you for being a space where i feel like it's okay not to know what's going on with this whole parenting shizznit. Haha- where i'm not the only one up at 2am wiping vomit off the floor for the 3rd time... where complaints aren't so much complaints but just a description of what's been happening... where exhaustion is laced with guilt and sprinkled with a generous dose of good humour and stirred in with a whole lotta unconditional love.

Thank you for the cake, the flowers, the delicious meal (complete with takeway) and to Holly and the khorns, thank you for opening your home to me. You guys are awesome. 

Even more awesome when i stepped into Saturday... and realised Zane would make me face at 32 one of my worst fears - A surprise party. A big one. With lots of people and presents, and unmeasurable kindness.

I'll continue this ... another time.

Hehe... it needs it's own page and i need to find my words better than i am now. I have a lot of people to thank, a lot of things to talk about that i can't seem to find the words to write.

But hey, i wrote. I wrote imperfectly... but i did it.

Haha... 32 seems to be the age, of being uncomfortable, and learning to enjoy it.

I have a (sort of) paid photography job tomorrow taking school photos for the kids playgroup. I need to sort my head out. Haha... The Walking Dead will help. Ain't nothing zombies can't fix.