Zane asked me what i was doing, and i said i was forcing myself to contimue this daily blogging because i know if i let it slide one day, i'll let it slide a few more and maybe i'll just forget about it altogether.
The photos today became kinda half efforted coz Saturday nights are crowded and busy and full of bowls of food to make and serve.
Saturday night dinners were a product of keeping together when things fell apart after mum died. For a while, we tried to listen to the advice of all the Aunties and Family friends and the community of old judgemental asians, the ones who spoke in whispers about us while we were in the room- and Dad still his old self, traditional, proud and afraid of judgement from the world at large.
When i fell pregnant with Tivi shortly after, and had to tell him that he'd have to suffer the shame of a grandchild out of wedlock... things were strained and everyone dealt with the fallout of waaaay to many life altering events compacted into the short spaces of weeks, in their own separate ways.
But somewhere in between, something remarkable happened. Tivi was born, and she was loved. Dad stopped caring about what people thought and we gradually did away with all the excess noise. The (perhaps wellmeaning but inherently destructive advice of) bystanders who always had ideas of how things should be handled... faded into the background. And we drew together, as a family we still had our issues no doubt... but those issues were ours and when we closed off the judgements of the outside world- We became what she always hoped we would be. There for each other, supportive, proud, unashamed and invincible.
The morrises who i will get to later, as they deserve a lot of credit for many things, were probably the driving force behind Saturday nights, and despite their range of commitments they always make the best effort to be there.
Despite the chaos that often reigns in a house filled with kids, there is much to be grateful for when there is good food, good fun and just general dysfunctional family goodness to be had.
I know the kids will grow up with great memories of these occasions- they look forward to it every week and are dissapointed when we have other commitments... sometimes in a world that grows increasingly frightening and confusing - i am insanely glad that we have this sanctury, that these kids will grow up to know there are always doors open to them, where they will be welcomed, fed and loved no matter what they are or who they become.
Saturday night dinners are awesome and it is the best honour of her memory there is - she was all these things to us... and now combined, we will be for them.
sorry about the mess of photos up there and the quality... i'm working on a balancing this better between all the stuff we have in the days. It's only day 3, bear with me as get into the groove of this.
*licks and dribbles* signing off
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