A son and his mother

Dear Mum,

I miss you dearly and I think about you all the time. I think about all the little things that happened to get us to New Zealand to be with you.

I think about the last day you had on this earth. I think about how the nurses said goodbye to me different the day before. This was the first sign that told me the end was near. I cant shake the sound you started to make....known to me now and others that have experiences with people dying, the death rattle.

I picture myself over and over again turning your hands palm up, palm down, palm up, palm down, because I cannot get over how your hands have gone from being red like your hot to cold and purple liek the blood was frozen in one spot underneath your skin.

I remember when Kenneth turned up, your couldn't even talk at that stage, but you through your arms around him. It was wonderful to see a son and his mother embrace each other like they have forgiven each other for all the wrong doings and mistakes and tell each other that they love each other.

I was your baby, and you always let me know it. I never felt like I have done you proud. You raised me to be a good person, but at times I'm not and I other times I'm an ok person.

After you passed away, I thought about all the people who had made this possible. I was with you in the end with my whole family which is even more lucky. These people are good people. The people that gave there time to help you, to make your last days more comfortable.

Today Mum I have paid it forward.

I arrived at work at American Express where I now work. I work in Fraud Protection, yeah thay sound pretty cool aye mum. Well it is I love it and the people are awesome.

Before I started work it was just me and the two other kiwi's in my team chatting about stuff, when one of them mentioned that her daughters mother in-law has now got the death rattle. I froze as I knew that it was not going to be long before this mother died. As I listened I pictured Vien and I.

They moved to New Zealand for 6 months and spent everything they had to spend time with his mother and they had to return and start over, Now this son has finally got a job after 5 months looking and is due to start this very Friday morning. I learned how unsure they were about going back or if the should/could as they don't have enough to pay the bills now as it is because of the situation.

I heard how they had a fight about this. I am so great full that I had a longer time with you, but most of all that someone helped us be there with you on your last days. I knew I had to help this son be with his mother.

I asked if they would be offended if I wanted to help, My work mate didn't really know what to say, but knew I had been through the exact same thing before I joined Amex and that it was more for my selfish benefit to help with my healing of losing my mother, and so accepted my offer. She if you put something in an envelope she would pass it on, but didn't want me to be offended if she brought it back.

I placed everything I had in my wallet at the time and labeled the envelope " Kia Kaha" it means be strong. I handed this to my co-worker and went on my day. I received a phone call, as i got off the train from my co-worker telling my off for making her daughter Laura cry.

I hoped this would help take some pressure off these two people and give this son a chance to be with his mother as I was.

Well mum I received a txt today which I didn't see until I was about to hop into bed and this was it.

"Just letting u know lauras mother in law passed away few hours ago. her partner flew back yesterday so he was with her. she waited for him."

Well mum this brought back a lot of emotion for me. I don't know this man, but I do know that was once me and you, a son and his mother.